Well, Barry Bonds finally broke the all-time home run record, and good for him. I couldn’t think of a better guy to break the most hallowed record in sports.

mebeliAnd speaking of overstuffed, controversial home run hitters that have made chases for the record books and almost certainly did it with some unnatural enhancement … is it a crazy idea that the Cubs go get Sammy Sosa for the stretch run?

I mean, with Alfonso Soriano out at least a month, Felix Pie and Angel Pagan showing their age and Jacque Jones, well, being Jacque Jones, it’s no secret the Cubs need some power in the lineup and they need a veteran outfielder. Sosa can put a check beside each of those categories – especially the “veteran” part. I’m pretty sure the guy would clear waivers – it’s not like there’s been a whole lot of interest from anyone else.

And really, how deep did the wounds from his departure in 2004 run? I mean, it’s not like he helped choke away a sure playoff berth in the last week of the season, alienated his fans and teammates and lied about leaving the park early before the last game of the season or anythi — … OK, never mind.

“Batting eighth, and playing left field … Kevin Frandsen.”

That’s not quite the words that the Bleacher Bums in left wanted to hear last night. The boo birds were all ready for a night of heckling the infamous Barry Bonds, but the slugger on the brink of history sat out the series opener with the Cubs with various injuries.

So it was on poor Mr. Frandsen – he of 203 career at-bats and just 748 fewer homers than Barry – to take the brunt of the fans’ wrath. Among the heckles heard from left field last night:

A steady chant of “Barry’s back-up!” as soon as the youngster took the field.

A cry of “Mr. Bonds needs a towel!” from one of the more famous Hecklers in the stands.

Someone shouting “Hey, normal-sized-head left fielder … you suck!”

There was also a guy with a sign that said “Barr-roids” and “Where’s Barry? He has my syringe.”

Yes, just another classy night in the bleachers.

And speaking of classy, who the hell was throwing cups on the field after Aramis Ramirez’s go-ahead double in the eighth? Come on, that’s really weak. And on national TV, no less.

I can almost see it if you’re protesting a bad call – although it’s still a pretty classless move and only delays the action. But the Cubs did something good, fer crissakes! Show them some love, not some garbage.

Seriously, you people know who you are and hopefully you know you’re the real bums in the bleachers.

Oh the irony. As we celebrate the 28^th anniversary of Disco Demolition Night on the South Side, word has it Wrigley Field is in horrible shape after getting torn up from the recent … Police show.

How fitting of a story is that to represent the two sides of town? The South Siders had to forfeit a game and messed up their field after rioting against the pop music of the time, while Wrigleyvillians scuffed up the turf a little too much listening to a bunch of aging prog-rockers while drinking mai tais.

Somewhere, ABBA has done a recording of “Roxanne,” and it’s my mission to find it and burn it.

As we embark on the second half of the season, let’s take a second to look back – and a quick look forward – on another crazy Cubs season. Here are my first-half awards, along with some predictions sure to go wrong in the second half:

Most Valuable Position Player

First half: Alfonso Soriano has come on strong, and Derrek Lee has been pretty consistent all season. But I have to go with Mark DeRosa. He has 7 home runs and 49 RBI, which is pretty solid from a middle infielder (and more than Lee in both categories). And the guy just seems to have a knack for clutch hitting. Not to mention, he can – and does – play just about every position. You think maybe he can catch?

Second half prediction: Well, it better be Lee. While he has been a consistent hitter all year, the Cubs are going to need more from him than just singles and doubles. Six homers ain’t gonna cut it. Soriano looks like he’s poised for a solid second half. And D-Lee better be right behind him.

Most Valuable Pitcher

First half: It’s hard to discern between anyone in the rotation. They’ve all been solid, but by no means spectacular. That’s why I’m going with a bit of a surprise: Carlos Marmol. OK, as soon as you’re done snickering, take a look at the stats. He’s leading the team in ERA, and he can pitch in just about any situation – including an emergency spot starter. And get this one – the Cubs have won the last 11 games he has pitched. Now that’s what I call value.

Second half prediction: Carlos Zambrano. Again, it better be Big Z if the Cubs are to have any chance at the post-season. He’s going to have to quit walking guys – 54 in a 125 innings, ouch – and bring that 4 ERA down about a point if he’s going to win that Cy Young he was talking about before the season.

Least Valuable Player

First half: Michael Barrett. Man, this guy went from being a key cog in a playoff contender to a clubhouse pariah in about 20 seconds flat. What went wrong? I don’t even want to begin to speculate. All I know is the Cubs are stuck with a backstop platoon (Rob Bowen and Koyie Hill) that’s hitting under .200 – and they’re still considered an improvement to having Barrett around. Oh well, we’ll always have the Pierzynski punch.

Second half prediction: Well, let’s hope it’s nobody, but my gut feeling is it could be one of the starting pitchers. I cannot stress this enough to Lilly, Hill, Marquis, etc.: You don’t have to be great, you don’t even have to be good. Just get into the seventh inning. If they do that, there’s no reason this team can’t compete. But the biggest candidate to slide I think would be Rich Hill. He’s the least season of them, and pressure really starts to mount when you get into August.

Biggest Surprise

First half: It has to be the team of Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot. Who knows where the Cubbies would be if these guys didn’t come out of nowhere to help the June surge. Although it’s only 100 at-bats, Fontenot is still hitting .356. That’s impressive in any sample size.

Second half prediction: A playoff berth? A pennant? (I won’t even speculate past that) A 10-game losing streak to start the second half? Pie leaping over the ivy to rob a home run in center? Dude, we’re Cubs fans. Nothing surprises us anymore.

Admit it. If I woulda told you in May that the Cubs would be over .500 and just 4 ½ games back at the All-Star break, you’d have thought I was crazy. I mean, it’s not like we’re not all poised for a 10-game slide to start the second half, but at least the boys are giving some hope. I’ll take a July Slide over a June Swoon any day, right? Well, maybe not.

Anyway, here are some thoughts as we call catch our breath for a few days over the break:

– I still don’t understand the reasoning for giving World Series home field to the All-Star league winner. Why does the game have to “mean something”? It’s an exhibition. It’s a reason for fans to see their favorite players. Who gives a crap who wins? They don’t give the winner anything in any other league, because that’s just not the point of the whole event.

It all goes back to that tie game in Milwaukee a few years back. For some reason, there was a huge backlash from fans after Bud Selig called the game – mainly because both teams were out of pitchers. Could these same fans name any of the past ASG winners? I don’t think so. That’s because the outcome just isn’t the point of the game.

And I’m still waiting on an explanation why they don’t just give home-field advantage to the team with the better record. But I’ve been waiting for someone to explain that for decades, and don’t see an answer anytime soon.

– Believe me, I’m no Barry Bonds apologist, but get off his back for not entering the Home Run Derby. He has every right not to participate – and at age 42, can you blame him? The derby is taxing on any player, because not only do you not get that day off, you’re basically swinging all day, and interviewing the rest of the day and into the night. Let the guy have a day off. He’s already been hurt part of this year, and this event would only make it worse on the poor bastard.

And for those of us who have him on their fantasy team, yes, we are elated that he didn’t participate. Is that so wrong?

– Speaking of the Derby, did it really go three friggin’ hours? Get the hell outta here. Something has to be done to condense this thing – and they didn’t even do the normal interviews after each player hit. If they had, we woulda been watching “The Bronx is Burning” at 3 in the morning. This is a pretty cool event, but it could definitely be tweaked to make it better. Read Jayson Stark’s story about fixing the Derby if you get a chance. He has some very good ideas on how to improve the event.

– And while we’re on the subject, we couldn’t get a broken-English interview from Derby champ Vlad Guerrero? Come on. We had no splash-downs in McCovey Cove, no huge nights from anyone, and none of the kids shagging fly balls took one off the dome. The least we could get was a coupla Sammy-esque “home runs has been berry good to me” quotes from Vlad. Seriously, is that too much to ask?

It looks like we’re gonna have ourselves a playoff race in the NL Central. Too bad the Cubbies and Brewers only play each other three more times the rest of the season. (Thanks again, Bud, for some mastermind schedule-making on that one)

That means the division will be won or lost based on performance against the rest of the league. Case in point: The two teams flip-flop playing against Washington and Pittsburgh in the week before the All-Star break. So it’s going to come down to who can beat inferior teams more often. That shouldn’t be so hard, right?

Let’s set a small goal of winning 4 of the last 6 before the break. That’s about all you can do right now – just keep winning and don’t worry about making up the 6 ½ games. Take care of the former and the latter will take care of itself. We hope.

Well, it’s safe to say that this weekend is the biggest series of the season for the Cubs. The North Siders are riding high after sweeping two straight series, and now they get the first-place Brewers for three at Wrigley. If the boys are serious about a playoff run, it all starts here.

And the Brewers have to be looking at this as their first true test, after running and hiding from the rest of the division for the first half of the season. You figure they want to make a statement early. So for the opener, of course they trot out … Yovani Gallardo? A guy who has made two starts in his career?

Hey man, I’m not telling my boy Ned Yost what to do here. But you’d think they would want someone with a little more experience to start the biggest series of the year.

Let that be a rallying cry for the Cubs. Gotta get the first one. Ben Sheets is looming tomorrow – he of a 9-3 record this year – and Dave Bush (Sunday’s starter) is no slouch either.

This is much of a must-win series as they get in June. There’s no Big Z to rely on this weekend, and no Ted Lilly. A good start is imperative, especially with the rest of the weekend set up the way it is.

Admit it, you were a little scared when the Cubs were up 8-3 – again – on the Rockies last night, after blowing the same lead a night before.

Yeah, it got a little hairy when the lead got cut to 8-5 with two guys on base in the ninth. But Will Ohman came in to get the last out and preserve yet another nail-biting win for the North Siders.

But the real tragedy is that poor Carlos Marmol came in with a four-run lead, meaning he wasn’t eligible to get a save. For us fantasy owners of Marmol, this is a big deal. Hell, he wasn’t even eligible to get an elusive hold when they took him out because he was the one who put himself in the hold situation.

Yes, I realize the lines between fantasy and reality (at least, in baseball terms) have long since blurred. And yes, I’m OK with that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to check the waiver wire for another holds guy. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that they’re quite elusive.

Well, you can’t ask for a much better weekend as a Cubs fan. They got three gritty wins against a White Sox team that, although their record doesn’t show it, I believe still has some fight left in it. Here’s some thoughts from the weekend:

– It’s hard to believe truly how close this rivalry has been. The Cubs win on Sunday puts the series at an even 30 wins apiece. Why haven’t the Sox – who have easily been the better overall team for at least the last few years – put up more wins than that? I mean, shouldn’t they have been dominating the Cubs in just about every season in the past decade, except for maybe ’03 and ’04? I’m just sayin’ …

– Did we really need that extended tirade from Ozzie during that crazy play in the 8^th on Sunday? Honestly, what’s he trying to prove? He’s obviously going to go out and argue the call – even though the Major League umpiring crew is still at right around 100% at upholding calls, no matter what the manager may say. But to stay out after getting tossed is not only unneeded, it makes him look like a jackass. And this is coming from a guy who supports most of what Ozzie does, even when others don’t.

I know it was done out of frustration, and I’m OK with him doing what he has to do to get thrown out of the game. But get outta there. You’re not doing anyone any favors arguing a call you’re obviously not going to get. The umps already spent nearly 10 minutes trying to get the call right. Don’t waste any more of everybody’s time on a moot argument.

And the kicker of it all is that the umps got it exactly right. That’s a dead ball once the obstruction call is made. Ozzie’s lucky they didn’t go further and award an extra base to two of the runners, allowing a Cubs run to score. (Yes, I dream of one day becoming a Major League umpire, and yes I’ll toss you at the drop of the hat if you ever argue one of my calls.)

– So that’s the end of Cubs-Sox for this year. Does anybody else wish we could have more of these games? I don’t understand what’s keeping baseball from expanding interleague play so fans get to see more teams on a regular basis. Aside from having more rivalry games like Cubs-Sox – which you know won’t just sell out, they’ll bring in even more merchandising money and save on travel costs for both teams – just seeing the teams in the other league’s same division would no doubt pique interest.

Remember how many Tigers fans came to Wrigley last year? You don’t think the Indians and Twins would bring the same contingent? This seems to me like a complete no-brainer.

But, of course, we’re dealing with the same schedule makers who continually keep division rivals away from each other in September, when it matters most.  Baseball for years fought an unbalanced schedule. But it’s really not that hard. Make all of June an interleague month. Make all of September and intra-divisional month – or at least as close as possible – and watch how much more tickets you sell.

OK, I have a confession to make. I turned last night’s game off in the bottom of the eighth to watch “Stranger Than Fiction.”

Now, I know this is wrong on so many levels, but the Cubs were up 5 runs, it was almost 10 p.m., and that damn movie has been sitting by my TV for over a week. Now, I won’t get into how bad this movie sucked (really bad), but rather how big of a win it was for the Cubs last night.

In case you’ve been under a rock — or watching a crappy movie like me – the Cubs gave up 6 runs in the ninth to lose a 5-run lead to the Rockies, then rallied in the bottom of the inning for the win.

There’s two ways to look at this game. First, you could say that this is the kind of game championship teams win when they’re in the midst of magical seasons. Or you could say that championship teams don’t get themselves into these situations in the first place – mainly because they have someone who can come in during the ninth inning and shut the door.

Well, you’re both right (well, you’re both me, but go with it). Good teams somehow find ways to win when everything else goes wrong. But championship teams also avoid putting themselves in these situations until they really need it.

So the question becomes, are you comfortable with the likes of Scott Eyre, Bob Howry and Ryan Dempster? I’ll go with no, maybe and only when he’s healthy. What do you think?